Today is my Father's Birthday. Dad would have been 89 today. Unfortunately my dad passed away in 1989... much too young a man to have died so soon.
I was sitting here at my computer thinking about him ... and wishing I could send him a birthday card. And then the thought hit me. I am on Active Rain. So, I CAN send my Dad a birthday card... and this is it.
It is funny how, as I was growing up, the older I got, the smarter my Dad got. Funny how that works. As was I, my Dad was born and raised in Cleveland, Ohio. It has been a long time now, and the older I get, the fuzzier my memories of him become.
Several months ago I wrote a post about him. It told the story about how I got my driver's license, and how he delayed telling me he finally got word I was insured... until Christmas day when he was supposed to go pick up my Grandmother and bring her to our home for Christmas dinner.
Karen Anne... Go Pick Up Your Grandmother
I remember another silly time when he was trying to fix a crooked sidewalk at the base of our driveway at home. Then he got the bright idea of stringing a very heavy rope around the sidewalk to lift it, and then he strung the other end of the rope through the front windows of our 1954 Ford, and slowly tried to pull the car up the driveway away from the sidewalk, and tried to gently lift the sidewalk. Ummm... not a good plan. He almost ripped the center door pillars out of both sides of the car.
I remember him telling me he played fast-pitch baseball in a recreational league in Cleveland as a young man. I probably heard him tell the story of how he hurt his arm when he pitched both ends of a Sunday double-header because his team was in a turnament. His arm was never the same. I heard that story so many times back then, I got tired of hearing about it. How I wish I could hear him tell it again tonight.
I remember family picnics. I remember going over to his home every weekend when he was older, and raking the leaves for him, or washing his car... but these memories are fading, too.
Dad, it has been nineteen years now since you passed. Happy Birthday Dad ! I miss you...
Hi, Karen Ann,
This is just wonderful. You've done such a good thing here writing this birthday card to your Dad. Did I tell you that I'm facilitating a GriefShare class at my church? It's a great program for people who have lost a loved one/family member/friend to death. In the class they suggest that those who are grieving should write a letter to the person who died or write to their friends sharing their feelings. This is exactly what they recommend. Do you mind if I share this with my class members? It will be so helpful to them!
Karen:
Your post made me smile. Sounds like your dad was a great man. I lost my dad very young. I was only 33 and he was 57. Happy Birthday memories for your dad and all he meant to you.
Karen Anne - what a nice post about your dad. I'm sorry for your loss... it just never gets easy, does it? My grandma (80) lost her mother when she was 24 and still misses her. I'm sending your dad a happy birthday thought right now.
Hi Jan: I really didn't "plan" on writing it. I was just sitting here at the keyboard last night, and the thought just popped into my head. And yes, I think it is a good thing. I am very sure that your grief/share class is proving extremely beneficial to all those attending.
I think writing a letter is a great idea, and you are surely welcome to share my letter with those in your class. It is just another way of extending and passing on what I call "caring behaviours." Take care... be well.
Hi Vicki: Our fathers were pretty much the same age. They were from a very different time... very different indeed. How incredible and how crazy it must have been for them to be ten or eleven during the 1929 Depression, and to be young men when World War II began.
My Dad died not long after retiring, although in many ways he never felt like he fully "retired." Take care, Vicki... thanks for sharing. And... you are very welcome. Thank you for your kind comments.
Hi Ruthmarie: I am so sorry for your loss. It sounds like your mother really knew she was going to leave you soon. There is so much about life that we don't know, and yes, so much of it is very hard to fathom. I can very much understand her comment about "being tired..." especially if her illness had taken over her life. I also agree that she was probably preparing you. I would guess that... depending on the relationship between parent and child... missing her would last the rest of your life. That sounds normal to me. Take care, Ruthmarie... my thoughts are with you.
Karen -
My Dad passed away in 1996. When he was alive, and when I was younger, we often argued like crazy.
Nowadays, I just miss him!
How cool it would have been to show him all I have achieved, with Sue and our Team, since he passed away!
Let's raise a glass to the "Old Man!"
DEAN & DEAN'S TEAM CHICAGO
Karen I know how hard it is to lose a parent. I loss both of mne at 13 years old. No one will ever fill the vacuum.
I remember seeing a Shirley Temple movie, in the film her grandmother was dying and Shirley cried and begged her not to die. Her tears were to no avail and her grandmother closed her eyes in death. Shirley cried herself to sleep. Later that night she felt someone stroking her hair. It was her grandmother. She was startled. She said, "Grams, I thought you died?" Her grandmother responded, "I will never die as long as you never forget me."
Long live your Dad. May his memories sustain you throughout the drifting years.
Warmest regards,
Hi Ginger: I think journalling is a really great thing to do. I kept a journal for many, many years. Journalling can be very therapeutic, and can also provide a sort of benchmark when looking back at what I have written and trying to compare it to where I am today. It at times has been a great help to me by showing me, or helping me to know where I was... or where I emotionally "came from" years ago. Ginger, I understand the tears.
Besides the journal I have seven boxes in the garage labelled "Memory Boxes." They contain all kinds of things that connect me to my daughter's early childhood, my own childhood, my high school sweetheart, my relationship with my parents, and the different crises I somehow lived through. I even have some letters that my mom wrote to me after I moved from Ohio to Texas in 1982. I have not opened those boxes in awhile... ghost's... you know. Ginger, thanks for your kind words. Take care...
Karen - I felt your love and passion for your Dad and as if he were right here with me as I read your birthday wish. I am sure your Dad is definitely smiling and still telling stories over and over again! I feel your pain and love as I too wish I could be with my Mom in the same way. A tender moment before I end my day, it's so nice to catch up with you on such a pleasant tribute to your Dad. Happy Birthday, Karen's Dad...Happy Birthday.
Karen Anne...Here's wishing a
Belated Happy Birthday to Karen Anne's Dad!
Like many others, I too can relate to your feelings regarding your dad. My dad was only 72 (I'm almost 71) which was way too young to die. We were sure we would have him much, much longer as both of his parents lived into their late 80's. What a shock when he died in his sleep of cardiac arrest.
We are very fortunate to have had a dad that we miss so much and always will.
Take care,
Kathleen
Karen,
Beautiful tribute to your dad...mine died at age 57...but you know what...our dads will ALWAYS be our dads!!! Treasure the memories!!! Thanks, Fran
P.S. And besides, our dads live on, in and through us!
Karen Anne, thank you for sharing this.
My grandfather was Jewish, and at his funeral the rabbi tore a part of my grandmother's shawl. The tradition is a symbol of how when someone we love passes away, we will never be the same again. They are torn from us.
To remember in love sometimes lets you feel that pain again, but the love is so great that it's worth it.
What a great tribute to your dad, I still give my sister a birthday flower every year on her birthday even though I never had a chance to meet her.
What a nice post remembering your Dad. Daughters and Dads have a special bond.
Karen - I'm sorry I missed this post! I truly understand your thoughts. I lost my dad on Mother's Day of 1990. I was numb for a week. Although it was not unexpected, it was much to quick. I have a portrait of my mom and dad on the wall and I speak with them daily. Some would think that's odd - to me it's my life.
Happy Birthday to your dad! I'm sure he was a special man.
Hi Karen, My Dad died a long time ago at 70 too,... I thought of doing a Happy Birthday Dad post for him, but I just was too darn sad to get to it. Your Dad sounds like he was a lot of fun to e around!
Ginger
Hi Gail: It sounds like you were way ahead of me on my suggestion. Memories often fade as we get older, and the 50 page book you put together for your parents was truly a labor of love that only a loving daughter could give. I am so glad you found a way to have people come to her party. She had to be feeling like Queen For A Day ! (Do you remember that program ?)
Gail, I am sure it is not easy... and who takes care of the care-givers ? But at least you will know in your heart that you did all you could do to make their latter days as pleasant as could be... and that they indeed felt cared for. What a sweet daughter you are. Take care... and thanks for sharing...
i luv your work,it is luvly