Earlier tonight I read a post by Karen Fiddler in which she talked about the recent death of her beloved husband David. The theme of her post was that what doesn't kill us makes us stronger... and that the love they had... still remains. Gosh, I wish I had her strength.
For me, it has been years... more years than I care to mention... since I lost the love of my life. And yes... there are days that I go through, and do not think of my sweetie... my "split-apart"as Demi Moore's character in "The Butcher's Wife" called the love of her life.
But... then there's last night. I woke up in the middle of the night. Just because. No Reason.
I always take my cell phone to bed with me... just in case my daughter calls... but also because I just have a problem with waking up and not knowing what time it is.
So, when I woke up... I clicked on my cell... and it was 3:27am. And guess whose birthday March 27th was? I saw it... the 3:27... and immediately broke down into tears.
I sobbed and sobbed... feeling the loss again. The affair... the betrayal... the divorce. Once again it was right there... four-square in the middle of my heart and soul... just like it had happened yesterday.
I remember going to a movie several years ago. The main point of the movie (the title of which I do not remember) was about being able to totally wipe away the memory of someone... usually a past love. Totally wipe it away, so there would be no more hurt. But there would also be no "other" memories of that love, either.
I don't remember how the movie turned out... but I do know I remember giving the idea sooo much thought... and then deciding that I just could not do it. I would choose to keep the memories... even though they would include (on some days) the crippling pain.
So... is it true that what doesn't kill us... makes us stronger? I don't know about that... but I do know that some days the hurt is so bad I would just rather not go through another day.
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