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Tomorrow is Here Again... And for One More Year... Things Get Personal...

She knew it.  She just knew it.  Even after last year... once again... today is December 30, 2011... and tomorrow is here again.

She wished she could figure out a way to make that particular "tomorrow" disappear.

You see... she is stuck.  Stuck in some sort of a Star Trek time loop.  Or maybe a better comparison would be what happens in one of her favorite movies... GroundHog Day.

In some ways... waking up tomorrow is a once-a-year kinda thing.  But in many other ways... it seems like it happens to her every single day.

I know.  I am talking nonsense.  Up until now.

But tomorrow is the anniversary of her wedding day.  New Year's Eve... 1965.  She and her childhood sweetheart got married that day.  The two of them... 21 and 19... had known each other for eight years.  Eight years since that day they met.

Is being 13 and 11 too young to fall in love ?  They thought not.  Way back then... Paul Anka had a song on the charts called "Puppy Love."  Of course, it was all about young love, how it feels, and how so many others saw it as childish.  But they knew better.  They knew it was the real thing.  They really did.

And so... beginning with December 31, 1965... and every New Year's Eve for the next eighteen years... these lovebirds were just that.  Lovebirds.  Right up until they weren't.

Adultery raised it's ugly head.  The cheating, the sneaking, the disguised meetings.  Somehow it all escaped her.  Somehow she had no clue... until she stumbled upon it.  There they were... her childhood sweetheart... and her best friend... boinking.

Recently I saw a story about Sandra Bullock.  Her short-time hubby had been cheating on her.  She had no clue.  She trusted.  And when she found out... she filed for divorce.  And since then... she has used two words to describe herself.  She said she felt "permanently broken."

Of course you know that this story is about me.  And how I have used those same words for years.

It is so funny... the ironic kind of funny... that when someone shares with me that she is feeling the same kind of reaction... when she is beating herself up in much the same way... I can be so very understanding... so very able to listen, to console, and to be there in a sisterly way for her.

But for me... the same things don't seem to work the same way.  Permanently broken.

Comment balloon 44 commentsKaren Anne Stone • December 30 2011 12:28PM

Comments

Hi Karen,

What a profound story!

I trust 2012 will be a year of hope, renewal and healing for you.

Phil

Posted by Phil Leng, Phil Leng - Retired (Retired) almost 6 years ago

Hi karen,  I've always enjoyed your work here in the "Rain, none more than this.  Hoping 2012 is all you need it to be !!!

Posted by Bill Gillhespy, Fort Myers Beach Realtor, Fort Myers Beach Agent - Homes & Condos (16 Sunview Blvd) almost 6 years ago

Karen Anne -  In a way, I know a little bit about how you're feeling.  When I was 30, I was widowed at Christmas time.  It is very hard to reconcile the two emotions that I'm 'expected' to feel at this time of year: joy with grief.  Yes, I am happily remarried because the trust issue that you have to face everyday, was not present for me.  However, the profound sense of loss is still there, every year.  It sounds simple to say 'put it on the back burner and move on'  but we both know that, if we could, we would. 

My wish for you in 2012 is that you can find peace somehow in this double attack on you.

Posted by Susan Emo, Kingston and the 1000 Islands Area (Sotheby's International Realty Canada - Brokerage) almost 6 years ago

Phil... I much appreciate your wishes.  Healing... hard to make that happen.  Just somehow "making do ?"  Even that would be nice.

Bill... again... appreciating your kindness.  I just felt I had to let this out.  Blessings to you, as well.

Posted by Karen Anne Stone, Fort Worth Real Estate (New Home Hunters of Fort Worth and Tarrant County) almost 6 years ago

Awwww. Now I wish I could reach out and lend a <hug>... You don't deserve to be broken. Quite frankly.... neither does Sandra Bullock. My thoughts are with you as you ring in the new year... and may it be the year that changes everything for you! :) Thinking of you in Minnesota.

Posted by Lindsey Hasford, Bringing you home... (Edina Realty) almost 6 years ago
That broken trust is incredibly hard to recover from. But I wish for many good things for you in 2012.
Posted by Nancy Conner, Olympia/Thurston County WA (Managing Broker - City Realty Inc) almost 6 years ago

Susan:  Ahhh yes... the back burner.  In some way or other... it's on every burner.  The smaller ones, and those not-so-small.  Losing your sweetheart... being widowed at Christmas time... what a jolt it must have been for you.  My heart goes out to you.  I am glad your heart somehow was able to go in the direction of "whole-ness" once again.  Maybe I can get Sandra Bullock to "play me" if I can sell the movie rights... LOL.

Sometimes we look at those like Sandra, and think their lives are perfect.  Not so.  Although I in no way whatsoever felt anything but sadness for Ms Bullock, and anger at that dweeb... it did hit me that I was not as alone as I actually felt.  Thank you for your kind wishes.

Posted by Karen Anne Stone, Fort Worth Real Estate (New Home Hunters of Fort Worth and Tarrant County) almost 6 years ago

Hi Karen Anne ~ you've written eloquently about a very emotional subject, which must be difficult in itself just telling the story and thus reliving it again.  That man (and your former friend) didn't deserve you ... but you so deserve to be happy on your own!  I hope that 2012 will be the year that you realize how special you are :-)   May it bring you much happiness.

 

Posted by Maureen Bray Portland OR Home Stager ~ Room Solutions Staging, "Staging that Sells Portland Homes" (Room Solutions Staging, Portland OR) almost 6 years ago

Lindsey:  Perhaps this story adds a little light as to why I so admire you and your wonderful family.  Hold them close, my dear.  Hold them close.

The care was great.  I have it right next to my computer... on my desk.  The ornaments on the front of the card are the only ones in my home.  Your kindness was so appreciated.

Posted by Karen Anne Stone, Fort Worth Real Estate (New Home Hunters of Fort Worth and Tarrant County) almost 6 years ago

Nancy:  It's funny.  Most days, the individual things that happened are still back in the back of my consciousness.  It's the "ache" that is always there... mostly hidden... but with the least little prodding, it jumps right out again.  Thank you for your kind thoughts.  Blessing to you.

Posted by Karen Anne Stone, Fort Worth Real Estate (New Home Hunters of Fort Worth and Tarrant County) almost 6 years ago

Maureen:  I agree.  And that person who was my childhood sweetheart really doesn't exist any more... except in my memories and my letters... (dummy me, I still have them.)  Even on the cellular level... the scientists tell us that over the space of every seven years... every single cell in our bodies is replaced.  Now, if I could only get them to quit sharing information as they take over... LOL.

I try so hard not to think of myself, and to bury my brain in doing for others.  Most days it works.  Some days, it bites me.  Yeah... tomorrow is here again.  Perhaps next year it won't be.  Thank you... and blessings to you.

Posted by Karen Anne Stone, Fort Worth Real Estate (New Home Hunters of Fort Worth and Tarrant County) almost 6 years ago

Karen Anne I am sorry to hear that it's been so hard for you - I wish I could give you a big hug and make it a little better but I know my words will have to work, for now.  You are such an amazing woman -you truly are. My wish for you is that you take your power back and not let those people keep breaking your heart and spirit day after day, year after year.  I know it's not easy....but there is hope. Truly there is.  Almost everyone I know has gone through one heartache or another. And we all deserve to find happiness....especially you.  Much love to you, Anna

Posted by Anna Banana Kruchten,CRS,CRB,GRI, Arizona's Top Banana of Real Estate! (Phoenix Property Shoppe) almost 6 years ago

I'm so glad that I sent you an ornament! :)

Posted by Lindsey Hasford, Bringing you home... (Edina Realty) almost 6 years ago

Anna:  I know that in many ways my baring of my soul like this can seem both foolish and childish.  I may regret doing it.  But, right now... Active Rain was the only one I had to talk to.  Hugs are good. 

Taking power back.  It's obvious I have surrendered it.  I could say it's been stolen... but we both know that one's power is something that "should" <such a funny word, should> be something we could control.  Easily said... etc, etc.

I know I need to get angry... and in this case, anger would be a good thing.  The therapists say that one can only get angry when one realizes they don't deserve to be treated "that way."  Yeah, I know that.  I have helped others realize that.  Many others.  As that old backwards-sounding punch line used to say... "if the foo shits, wear it."  Funny, but that's the only part of the joke I remember.

Many of the indigenous peoples... the American Indians... used to recognize someone with what they called a "twin-spirit."  I have at times felt a sisterly'ness with that concept.  Since I have at times tried to be my Own Older Sister... perhaps she can come again to be with me.  Thanks for your kind wishes.  Blessings...

Posted by Karen Anne Stone, Fort Worth Real Estate (New Home Hunters of Fort Worth and Tarrant County) almost 6 years ago

Lindsey:  Me too, sweetie... me too.  Mollie T likes it, as well.  She is right here... hungry as usual... and says hi.

I am so glad I finally trundled out to the mail box to get it.  Or did I waddle ?  I dunno.  I forget.  <crinkly Peanuts-like smile>

Posted by Karen Anne Stone, Fort Worth Real Estate (New Home Hunters of Fort Worth and Tarrant County) almost 6 years ago

Oh sweetie ... you need a HUG! From me to you ... it's virtual, but the best I can do from waaay over here. I know things are supposed to get easier over time and memories should fade, but I also know that there are some that just keep creeping back to the front. So ... if it helps, yell with me: "What an ASS he was!" (See ... now didn't that make you feel better?)

Posted by Gabrielle Nemes, 206.300.8421, S King & Pierce County RE Advocate (RE/MAX Select R.E.) almost 6 years ago

Gay:  Hugs are good.  Actually, they are the best !  I know you said it rained lots there last night... so just what I need... a drenched hug.  That way, we both benefit.

Certain things make short distances seem far, far away, and other things make a four-day drive seem like it's around the corner.  Too bad I didn't know you eleven years ago when I was in Portland.  You, me and Maureen in #8 could have gotten rained on together.

Memories DO fade.  But every once in awhile... this ugly thing with it's Taser teeth bounces out of the closet and goes Zap.  The oddest things set it off.  Mostly songs do it.  We were so musical back then.  Now I only play stuff I found after all that happened.  But still.  I even found myself into Amy Winehouse... and then she died.  What a tragedy.

Yelling can be a good thing, Miss Gay.  Your kind thoughts warm me.  Blessings...

 

Posted by Karen Anne Stone, Fort Worth Real Estate (New Home Hunters of Fort Worth and Tarrant County) almost 6 years ago

It's definitely hard to trust when you would never think something like that could/would happen.

I have a suggestion... for this year at least... Samoa skipped Friday. For them, it's already Dec 31. If you fly there right now, when you get there, it will be Jan 1 already... NO DECEMBER 31 this year for you!!

Posted by Donna Harris, Realtor,Mediator,Ombudsman,Property Tax Arbitrator (Donna Homes, a PLR affiliate - TexasRealEstateMediationServices.com) almost 6 years ago

Donna:  What a great idea.  Skipping December 31 just might do it.  Or... I could zip right down to Bee Cave and baby sit for Alyssa while you and husby-pie went out on the town.  Spending the day with Alyssa is enough to bring a smile to any woman's face.  She could take pictures of my knees.

And you are right.  I NEVER thought that could happen.  Never.  Huggs to all.

Posted by Karen Anne Stone, Fort Worth Real Estate (New Home Hunters of Fort Worth and Tarrant County) almost 6 years ago

Karen Anne, What a story....divorce is never easy even when it is for the best!!!  I wish I could take away the hurt!!!   But I will add to the other cyber hugs you have received.....I like Donna's solution!!!   

((((((((((((((((((((((((((Karen Anne))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Posted by Deborah Byron Leffler BzyBee Real Estate Lady! (Keller Williams Realty Boise) almost 6 years ago

You're an amazing person, smart, witty, and very creative writer.  I'm sure you were pouring out from your heart which made it very heartfelt. I know they say time heals all wounds, but does it? Not really.  I've been fortunate to be married to the same wonderful man for over 20 years. Has it been perfect? Not at all, but I also have thought about being single isn't perfect either.  Unfortunately your woes were thrust upon you, but my dear friend, you are a very wonderful person.  I am glad to be married but sure wished some things from the early days never happened, and those wounds are still there, always. Hugs and kisses!

 


 

 

Posted by Cathy Criado, Making Real Estate Profitable (Criado Realty ) almost 6 years ago

Big HUGS!!!!  Hopefully 2012 is the year that your healing is complete. December 31st is just a date on a calendar.  Make the day, Saturday, a wonderful day with friends and family that truly care about YOU.

Have a very safe and Happy New Year.

Posted by Debora Nichols, Realtor Anthem,Phoenix,Scottsdale,Glendale,Peoria (Residential Sales, Purchases, Investors, Vacation Homes) almost 6 years ago

Karen Anne, Thanks for the offer, but that would have to include watching Landon too!! They do bring smiles to people's faces!

Posted by Donna Harris, Realtor,Mediator,Ombudsman,Property Tax Arbitrator (Donna Homes, a PLR affiliate - TexasRealEstateMediationServices.com) almost 6 years ago

Huge HUGS to you from Maine as well.  Don't worry, baring your soul like this is never childish...and what a beautiful soul it is!  I like Donna's idea of just skipping the day, make it a 48 hour New Years day instead, or perhaps it is time to create a new and wonderful New Years Eve tradition for yourself.  Something along the lines of a full day of pampering.  A little yearly reminder that you are worth it!  Much love to you and Mollie T.

Posted by Kristen Wheatley, Lewiston/Auburn Maine Real Estate Agent (The Maine Real Estate Network) almost 6 years ago

Karen Anne - You are so precious and are a special lady.  I am sending you a big <hug>!   I have been delt some bad hands but I am a survivor and you are too:)

Posted by Pam Miller, Broker Associate - Pearland/Friendswood (Realty Associates) almost 6 years ago

I think that we are a sum of all the the things in our life.  Our accomplishments and our sorrows add up to make us who we are.  I have read some of your writings about your Mom and you have a great soul.  I think if our lives were one sided then we would be tipped over.  I am not a hugger but I will send you a huge high five for picking yourself up and opening yourself up.

Posted by Liz Wallace, Broker C21 Sherlock Homes, Rockville Centre, LI, N (Century 21 Sherlock Homes) almost 6 years ago

You know Karen Anne- my Donald and I have been married for ten years.  After my X asked me for a divorce while I was expecting our daughter I was So broken.  For many years I thought it was permenant, but you know when I least expected love I found I was in it.

Posted by Tammy Lankford,, Broker GA Lake Sinclair/Eatonton/Milledgeville (Lane Realty Eatonton, GA Lake Sinclair, Milledgeville, 706-485-9668) almost 6 years ago

Karen Anne- I like Donna's idea of flying over the date line and skipping the entire day. I am not a big fan of New Years Eve either. When Drew writes his Thank you cards he says he sends hugs instead of kisses by writing lots of "O's". So OOOOOOOOOOO from Maryland to Texas.

Posted by Ellie McIntire, Luxury service in Howard County & Catonsville (Ellicott City Clarksville Howard County Maryland Real Estate) almost 6 years ago

Broken trust is hard to recover from in a relationship, as it is truly the foundation. I wish you a year of healing too in 2012, that will start with "making do" and get better from there.

Posted by Sylvie Stuart, Home Buying, Home Selling and Investment - Flagsta (Realty One Group Mountain Desert 928-600-2765) almost 6 years ago

Come back, come back! Move to Portland, Centralia, Seattle  ... this side of the mountains. We'll DO it! It's frosty white out there this morning at the moment. And, except for the last week or so, we've had one of the driest Decembers on record.

I'm lifting my cup of coffee to you. (much better than wine this time of the morning ... although it's coming later) I've so enjoyed loved getting to know you a wee bit here on AR. You're a special lady and I'm honored to read your thoughts now and then.

2012 is going to to be YOUR year. Mine too. The year when some of those ugly memories just disappear because they're not worth the angst. And the year when we're flat out too busy to even begin to think of them. 2012 is the year. It IS!

Posted by Gabrielle Nemes, 206.300.8421, S King & Pierce County RE Advocate (RE/MAX Select R.E.) almost 6 years ago

It's unanimous! Everyone loves Donna's suggestion.

Listen, years ago, I read that some really rich people had found a novel way to celebrate the New Year. They were up on an airplane, traveling to new destinations all night and everytime they arrived somewhere new where it had just turned 12:00, they'd count down, scream, shout and party all over again.

Maybe you should try that in the reverse?

 

Posted by Jill Sackler, LI South Shore Real Estate - Broker Associate (Broker Associate, Charles Rutenberg Realty Inc. "Said and Done!") almost 6 years ago

Karen Anne, it is very painful topic and I am sure it's been hard to write about it. What I am thinking is that you should make this day a very special for YOURSELF. You should make some travel plans. I am sure it will be wonderful to celebrate New Year in Paris, London, Moscow... 

Posted by Anna Dovger, Home Staging -The Woodlands, TX (Add Value Home Staging LLC, 281-704-6607) almost 6 years ago

Karen Anne, thanks for baring your soul. These kind of posts are always so meaningful to me.

Happy New Year! I hope 2012 is a great year for you and your family. Be well! I am looking forward to more time in the Rain in the next year.

Cal

Posted by Cal Yoder, Homes For Sale in Lancaster PA - 717.413.0744 (Keller Williams Elite) almost 6 years ago

Hi Karen,

You were so young when you fell in love.  You grew as one.  I don't know how anyone recovers from a betrayal like that.

Maybe you could/should find a way to sneak off to Paris in 2012, even if only for a couple days.

God bless and thank you for sharing such a personal story.

Lisa

Posted by The Scott Loper Team Bux-Mont Premier Properties (Keller Williams Real Estate - Montgomeryville) almost 6 years ago

Karen Anne ~ It sure must be difficult because that day will always come again.  But remember it's only a day and not the actual act of what happened.  My heart goes out to you.  Although I have never been married, I have a blazing past of cheating boyfriends.  Try to find something about the 31st and make a new memory that is happy. 

Posted by Dawn A Fabiszak, The Dawn of a New Real Estate Experience! (Private Label Realty ( Denver metro area, Colorado) almost 6 years ago

Karen Anne, I feel the pain too! It can be really crushing and destroy your self esteem. If I lived closer we would go out and have fun on that day, us girls could all get together, make some memories worth remembering, so we can occupy our minds with something else. But I know the MAGNITUDE of a memory like that and it's tough to get through. Hang in there sweetie! You are not alone. I've been there too!

Posted by Cheryl Dickson, Retired Realtor, GRI / Retired Home Inspector (Wichita Falls Association of Realtors - Staff) almost 6 years ago

I just needed to talk... the night I wrote this.  Everything seemed to be "coming at me" that night.  And heck... I wasn't even drinking... LOL.

There are just some nights when no matter what you do... the memories seem to be like my own personal tornado.  I was just trying to find a storm seller... and luckily, I just knew I could depend on all my Active Rain friends.  Thank you all so much.

Posted by Karen Anne Stone, Fort Worth Real Estate (New Home Hunters of Fort Worth and Tarrant County) almost 6 years ago

Karen - How brave of you to be so vulnerable and share this with us on AR. I'm sure there are others feeling what you feel. I'm sorry you had to experience so much hurt especially at the hands of a loved one.

My prayer for you is something will come along to make that day joyful for you once again for each day is a gift.

Here's to many fabulous days in 2012!

Posted by Carla Freund, Raleigh - Cary Triangle Real Estate 919-578-3111 (Keller Williams Preferred Realty) almost 6 years ago

Karen Anne, you sweet angel.  I can feel you here, once I was deceived too and felt utterly busted.  I'm glad you came to AR for your storm shelter as you so eloquently put it.  Cheer up girlie, you are loved!

Posted by Kerrie La Guardia, Let it Rain! (ActiveRain, Community Manager) almost 6 years ago

Karen Anne, I am glad you are OK now. Here is some storm for you, sorry that it's not a seller. Have a great weekend.

 

Posted by Anna Dovger, Home Staging -The Woodlands, TX (Add Value Home Staging LLC, 281-704-6607) almost 6 years ago

Ugh.  That just makes me sad and hurt for you Karen Anne.  I have some expletives I want to say, but I don't know if they would be appropriate :-) -Kasey

Posted by Kasey & John Boles, Boise & Meridian, ID Ada/Canyon/Gem/Boise Counties (Jon Gosche Real Estate, LLC - BoiseMeridianRealEstate.com) almost 6 years ago

Thanks for sharing such a personal story. Betrayal is such a deep cut. I am praying for your healing and restoration, for God to help you transition from permanently broken to eternally renewed.

Posted by Michelle Carr-Crowe-Top 1% Diamond Certified Real Estate Team Sells Cupertino San Jose Homes-Just Call 408-252-8900, Family Helping Families Buy & Sell Homes 40+ Years (Get Results Team...Just Call (408) 252-8900!) over 5 years ago

Karen, keep the good memories and specifically choose to "erase over" the others. Few people enjoy any years of joy together. Think of the good parts as favorite chapters in a good book-and just "burn" the rest of those not-so-good chapters away.

Posted by Michelle Carr-Crowe-Top 1% Diamond Certified Real Estate Team Sells Cupertino San Jose Homes-Just Call 408-252-8900, Family Helping Families Buy & Sell Homes 40+ Years (Get Results Team...Just Call (408) 252-8900!) over 5 years ago

I love reading your blogs and you are so helpful to everyone else. I wish I could just give you a big hug.

Posted by Debbie Laity, Your Real Estate Resource for Delta County, CO (Cedaredge Land Company) over 5 years ago

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